Resentment: Bitterness to others due to not forgiving yourself.

It was Laura again. Last week she exploded a Gratitude Bomb as she successfully left a bank in NYC.

"I did say thanks to everyone as I left, including my boss. The whole experience was very positive. But now I'm stuck feeling that I don't really mean it."

"What do you mean?"

"I've got this resentment toward her about the way she treated me for two years. It feels ugly and it's really bugging me. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't thanked her."

"Better do something before you start resenting me for suggesting the Bomb."

"What can I do?"

"You have to deworm yourself?"

"What, like the cat?"

"Sort of."

(Resentment toward some person or group is holding a deep grudge for something they do that is not what we want. It eats away at our positive spirit, like a worm that can spoil a whole apple. Just recalling an incident can cause the inner dislike to worsen, even infect all aspects of relationships and life.)

"The intense resentment wormed its way into you because of this: It reminds you that you are weak too. When you treat people the way she treated you, do you like yourself? Does she remind you of something you've not been able to get, like power or money. Is she being a better leader than you could be and you know it. Laura, it's not her. She's reflecting a part of you, a trait, a mistake, a deep need, but something you don't really like about you. That's the head of the worm we've got to get rid of. Otherwise the relationship will keep infecting you long after it's over."

"Okay, I'm not disagreeing with you. I could have been a whole lot better to her too."

"You need to dig deep and find the head of the worm whenever you feel it. Find the part of you that's involved and that you really dislike. Think back to some times when you were with her. Don't turn away from the feeling. Own it to heal it. Look it in the eye and say:

I forgive me first. I know I'm hurtful sometimes, so I forgive me. I accept my part in this, so I forgive me. I'm not perfect, I'm learning, so I forgive me."  

"Thanks, I can feel it working when you say it."

Another midweek text message: Thx, it's worked. Feeling has left, she seems more distant. How 2 stop it happening again?

My text back: 1st, I forgive me.

Stephen
ANE= Calm, Confident, Connected Leadership